FRIDAY FUNNIES: BEING POLITICALLY CORRECT IN 2013 / POLITICALLY CORRECT DICTIONARY 2013…

Posted on February 22, 2013. Filed under: Humor..., Political Humor..., QueenBeeWorld's Friday Funnies... | Tags: , , , , |

 

“Political correctness doesn’t change us, it shuts us up.”

—Glenn Beck

 

Somehow the English language has been taken into a whole new dimension.  With society’s demand for political correctness, it has taken the joy out of spontaneous conversation.  It seems so many people are offended these days that we need to carry around a Politically Correct Dictionary just to adhere to the guidelines (some words below).  Maybe that’s why Obama can’t put two sentences together without his teleprompter, or as I should maybe call it now—”Intellectually-Challenged Support Device”…

QueenBee

 

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America, Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as “Hillbillies”.  You must now refer to them as Apalachian-Americans.  Furthermore…

 

From Lots Of Jokes

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT

She is not a BABE or a CHICK; she is a BREASTED AMERICAN.

She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER; she is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.

She is not EASY; she is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.

She is not DUMB; she is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.

She has not BEEN AROUND; she is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.

She is not an AIR HEAD; she is REALITY IMPAIRED.

She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY; she gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.

She is not HORNY; she is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.

She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS; she is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.

She does not NAG YOU; she becomes ORALLY REPETITIVE.

She is not a SLUT; she is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.

She is not a TWO BIT WHORE; she is a LOW COST PROVIDER.

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT

He does not have a BEER GUT; he has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE
FACILITY.

He is not a BAD DANCER; he is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.

He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME; he INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE
DESTINATIONS.

He is not BALDING; he is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.

He is not a CRADLE ROBBER; he prefers GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL
RELATIONSHIPS.

He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK; he becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.

He does not act like a TOTAL ASS; he develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL
INVERSION.

He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG; he has SWINE EMPATHY.

He is not afraid of COMMITMENT; he is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.

He is not QUIET; he is a CONVERSATIONAL MINIMALIST.

He is not STUPID; he suffers from MINIMAL CRANIAL DEVELOPMENT.

He is not SHORT; he is ANATOMICALLY COMPACT.

He does not CONSTANTLY TALK ABOUT CARS; he has a VEHICULAR ADDICTION.

He is not UNSOPHISTICATED; he is SOCIALLY MALFORMED.

He does not EAT LIKE A PIG; he suffers from REVERSE BULIMIA.

He does not HOG THE BLANKETS; he is THERMALLY UNAPPRECIATIVE.

He doesn’t have a DIRTY MIND; he has INTROSPECTIVE PORNOGRAPHIC MOMENTS.

 

From:  Funny2

POLITICALLY CORRECT DICTIONARY 2013

Actor: metamorphosing being, possessing great wealth

Actress: metamorphosing being, possessing great wealth (and occasionally great beauty)

Android: bipedal, non-human associate, bearing immense knowledge and skill

Bag boy: agricultural product organizer

Bald: follicularly challenged

Bomb: vertically deployed antipersonnel device

Boy: oppressor-to-be

Brainwashing: cognitive accommodation

Cafeteria: dining facility

Car: earth-unfriendly, vertically-challenged mode of transport

Car Wash Worker: vehicle-appearance specialist

Cat: quadruped non-human associate

Cheating: cooperative assignment

Computer: machine bearing immense power and fallibility

Criticism: unjust self-esteem reducer

Dead: metabolically challenged

Demand: propose strongly

Derision: nontraditional praise

Dirty Old Man: sexually focused, chronologically gifted individual

Dumb: cerebrally challenged

Evil: niceness deprived

Exercise: body enhancement through exertion

Failure: non-traditional success

Fart: human ozone depletor; ecologically incorrect expression

Fat: horizontally challenged: person of substance

Garbage collector: sanitation engineer

Gas Station Attendant: petroleum transfer technician

Girl: pre-woman

Guess: anomaly maneuvers: repetitive predictions

Handicapped: physically challenged

Heroine: hera

Homeless person: residentially flexible individual

Hurricane: himmicane (non sexist)

Ignorant: factually unencumbered

Incorrect: alternative answer

Individualism: uncooperative spirit

Information: overly structured trivia

Insane: reality challenged

Kill: creating a permanent state of metabolic dormancy; servicing the target (military)

Lazy: motivationally dispossessed

Lost: locationally disadvantaged

Man: oppressor

Manhole: maintenance portal

Misunderstand: personalized interpretation

Monster: person of scales

Mugging: unforeseen funding of underclass

Murderer: termination specialist

Nerd: under-attractive, cerebrally gifted individual

Numismatist: capitalist monetary acquisition expert

Nut: hexagonal rotatable surface compression unit

Off: energy efficient

Old: chronologically gifted

Perfume: discretionary fragrance

Pervert: person engaged in nontraditional espionage

Pissed off: satisfaction deprived

Political: amorally gifted

Poor: economically marginalized

Prisoner: client of the correctional system

Prostitute: body entrepreneur

Redneck: rustically inclined

Rich: economically maximized

Secretary: stationery engineer

Sex: cooperative physical fitness

Sexist: gender biased with niceness deprived overtones

Short: altitudinally disadvantaged: vertically challenged

Sleepy: under-alert

Smart: cerebrally gifted

Specialist: physician having concentrated on a particular field of tax shelters

Structure: impersonal hindrance

Tall: vertically gifted: altitudinally endowed

Teacher: volunteer knowledge conveyor

Teaching: personality repression

Television: medium of electrons moving in disorganized patterns

Tired: rest-challenged

Uglier: over under-attractive

Ugliest: over-under-attractively gifted

Ugly: under-attractive

Unemployed: non-waged

Unsure: conceptual conflict

Waiter: waitron

Waitress: waitron

White: melanin-impoverished; member of the mutant albino genetic-recessive global minority

Woman: w/o man; womyn

Zipper: interlocking slide fastener

 

 

 

 

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