FRIDAY FUNNIES: BEING POLITICALLY CORRECT IN 2013 / POLITICALLY CORRECT DICTIONARY 2013…
“Political correctness doesn’t change us, it shuts us up.”
Somehow the English language has been taken into a whole new dimension. With society’s demand for political correctness, it has taken the joy out of spontaneous conversation. It seems so many people are offended these days that we need to carry around a Politically Correct Dictionary just to adhere to the guidelines (some words below). Maybe that’s why Obama can’t put two sentences together without his teleprompter, or as I should maybe call it now—”Intellectually-Challenged Support Device”…
Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America, Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as “Hillbillies”. You must now refer to them as Apalachian-Americans. Furthermore…
From Lots Of Jokes…
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT
She is not a BABE or a CHICK; she is a BREASTED AMERICAN.
She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER; she is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.
She is not EASY; she is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
She is not DUMB; she is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
She has not BEEN AROUND; she is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.
She is not an AIR HEAD; she is REALITY IMPAIRED.
She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY; she gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
She is not HORNY; she is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.
She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS; she is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.
She does not NAG YOU; she becomes ORALLY REPETITIVE.
She is not a SLUT; she is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.
She is not a TWO BIT WHORE; she is a LOW COST PROVIDER.
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT
He does not have a BEER GUT; he has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE
He is not a BAD DANCER; he is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.
He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME; he INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE
He is not BALDING; he is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
He is not a CRADLE ROBBER; he prefers GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL
He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK; he becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
He does not act like a TOTAL ASS; he develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL
He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG; he has SWINE EMPATHY.
He is not afraid of COMMITMENT; he is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.
He is not QUIET; he is a CONVERSATIONAL MINIMALIST.
He is not STUPID; he suffers from MINIMAL CRANIAL DEVELOPMENT.
He is not SHORT; he is ANATOMICALLY COMPACT.
He does not CONSTANTLY TALK ABOUT CARS; he has a VEHICULAR ADDICTION.
He is not UNSOPHISTICATED; he is SOCIALLY MALFORMED.
He does not EAT LIKE A PIG; he suffers from REVERSE BULIMIA.
He does not HOG THE BLANKETS; he is THERMALLY UNAPPRECIATIVE.
He doesn’t have a DIRTY MIND; he has INTROSPECTIVE PORNOGRAPHIC MOMENTS.
POLITICALLY CORRECT DICTIONARY 2013
Actor: metamorphosing being, possessing great wealth
Actress: metamorphosing being, possessing great wealth (and occasionally great beauty)
Android: bipedal, non-human associate, bearing immense knowledge and skill
Bag boy: agricultural product organizer
Bald: follicularly challenged
Bomb: vertically deployed antipersonnel device
Brainwashing: cognitive accommodation
Cafeteria: dining facility
Car: earth-unfriendly, vertically-challenged mode of transport
Car Wash Worker: vehicle-appearance specialist
Cat: quadruped non-human associate
Cheating: cooperative assignment
Computer: machine bearing immense power and fallibility
Criticism: unjust self-esteem reducer
Dead: metabolically challenged
Demand: propose strongly
Derision: nontraditional praise
Dirty Old Man: sexually focused, chronologically gifted individual
Dumb: cerebrally challenged
Evil: niceness deprived
Exercise: body enhancement through exertion
Failure: non-traditional success
Fart: human ozone depletor; ecologically incorrect expression
Fat: horizontally challenged: person of substance
Garbage collector: sanitation engineer
Gas Station Attendant: petroleum transfer technician
Guess: anomaly maneuvers: repetitive predictions
Handicapped: physically challenged
Homeless person: residentially flexible individual
Hurricane: himmicane (non sexist)
Ignorant: factually unencumbered
Incorrect: alternative answer
Individualism: uncooperative spirit
Information: overly structured trivia
Insane: reality challenged
Kill: creating a permanent state of metabolic dormancy; servicing the target (military)
Lazy: motivationally dispossessed
Lost: locationally disadvantaged
Manhole: maintenance portal
Misunderstand: personalized interpretation
Monster: person of scales
Mugging: unforeseen funding of underclass
Murderer: termination specialist
Nerd: under-attractive, cerebrally gifted individual
Numismatist: capitalist monetary acquisition expert
Nut: hexagonal rotatable surface compression unit
Off: energy efficient
Old: chronologically gifted
Perfume: discretionary fragrance
Pervert: person engaged in nontraditional espionage
Pissed off: satisfaction deprived
Political: amorally gifted
Poor: economically marginalized
Prisoner: client of the correctional system
Prostitute: body entrepreneur
Redneck: rustically inclined
Rich: economically maximized
Secretary: stationery engineer
Sex: cooperative physical fitness
Sexist: gender biased with niceness deprived overtones
Short: altitudinally disadvantaged: vertically challenged
Smart: cerebrally gifted
Specialist: physician having concentrated on a particular field of tax shelters
Structure: impersonal hindrance
Tall: vertically gifted: altitudinally endowed
Teacher: volunteer knowledge conveyor
Teaching: personality repression
Television: medium of electrons moving in disorganized patterns
Uglier: over under-attractive
Ugliest: over-under-attractively gifted
Unsure: conceptual conflict
White: melanin-impoverished; member of the mutant albino genetic-recessive global minority
Woman: w/o man; womyn
Zipper: interlocking slide fastener