FRIDAY FUNNIES: IRISH HUMOR…

Posted on March 18, 2011. Filed under: Humor... |

Since yesterday was St. Patrick’s Day, I wanted to share some Irish humor with you.  Enjoy your weekend…

QueenBee 

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An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.  A cop pulls him over.

“So,” says the cop to the driver, where have ya been?”

“Why, I’ve been to the pub, of course,” slurs the drunk.

“Well,” says the cop, “it looks like you’ve had quite a few to drink this evening.”

“I did all right,” the drunk says with a smile.

“Did you know,” says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, “that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?”

“Oh, thank heavens,” sighs the drunk.  “For a minute there, I thought I’d gone deaf.”


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Brenda O’Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.

“Brenda, may I come in?” he asks. “I’ve somethin’ to tell ya”.

“Of course you can come in, you’re always welcome, Tim.  But where’s my husband?”

“That’s what I’m here to be telling ya, Brenda.”  There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery.”

“Oh, God no!” cries Brenda.  “Please don’t tell me.”

“I must, Brenda.  Your husband Shamus is dead and gone.  I’m sorry.

Finally, she looked up at Tim.  “How did it happen, Tim?”

“It was terrible, Brenda.  He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned.”

“Oh my dear Jesus!  But you must tell me the truth, Tim.  Did he at least go quickly?”

“Well, Brenda…no.  In fact, he got out three times to pee.”

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Mary Clancy goes up to Father O’ Grady after his Sunday morning service,  and she’s in tears.

He says, “So what’s bothering you, Mary, my dear?”

She says, “Oh, Father, I’ve got terrible news.  My husband passed away last night.”

The priest says, “Oh, Mary, that’s terrible.  Tell me, did he have any last requests?”

She says, “That he did, Father.”

 

The priest says, “What did he ask, Mary?”

She says, He said ‘Please Mary, put down that damn gun…’

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A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.

The priest coughs a few times to get his attention, but the drunk continues to sit there.

Finally, the priest pounds three times on the wall.

The drunk mumbles, “Ain’t no use knockin’.  There’s no paper on this
side either.”
 

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One Response to “FRIDAY FUNNIES: IRISH HUMOR…”

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Having reading this blog i realize it was helpful in so many ways. Genius!

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